


[MST] Watch Out for the Trees Though!

by Ki_no_Shirayuki



Series: jumping on the Frollo Freak bandwagon [2]
Category: The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996)
Genre: Bad Fic, Commentary, Creepy, Disturbing Themes, F/M, MST3k-Style Riffing, Mary Sue, Need Brain Bleach, Sexual Content, Snark, Suggestive Themes, WTF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-09-24 22:15:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9789404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ki_no_Shirayuki/pseuds/Ki_no_Shirayuki
Summary: Join Yukiko as she takes on another cringy adult-content fics of suethor Frollo Freak.





	1. Hope they get bitten by a snake.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ghostlyheart19](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostlyheart19/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Jungle Love](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/265427) by Frollo Freak/Crazed Writer. 



> HoND belongs to Victor Hugo and Disney.  
> Commentary belongs to Yukiko the Child of Snow.

Scene 1  
**If it's not a script, then why are you putting "scene" in here?**

Claude and I returned to the Palace of Justice, a little tired, yet exhilarated, from a wonderful, fun-filled day.  
**Of wanton gypsy burning and murdering…**

I was ecstatic that Claude had enjoyed my special surprise at the Feast of Fools. On the way home, he couldn't stop praising my friends and me for making "this Festival a truly memorable experience."  
**Oh look, quoting yourself. How cool.**

Just before we left the Place de Notre-Dame, we --- my friends and I ---  
**TRIPLE HYPHENS for god's sake.**

were summoned before the King. His Majesty paid the utmost of compliments. "For once", His Majesty privately said to me, "I believe Frollo actually enjoyed himself."  
**Why the fuck does His Majesty care? Why the fuck does he have to tell you _privately_ about it? Also, Frollo _hates_ festivals!**

The King was right, for Claude Frollo had a wonderful time, despite the fact that his adopted son, Quasi; and his brother, Jehan,  
**Ditch the semi-colon and go take some proper punctuation classes, Frollo Freak.**

capped off an already splendid afternoon of entertainment.

 _Quasi and Jehan...the Blues Brothers! Quas really kicked a**_  
**No, no, not the censorship. Either write the word or don't swear at all, damn it!**

 _on that harmonica...and Jehan...singing!_  
**THE FUCK?**

_That was too much...everything was fantastic! And now, I'm a little tired..._

"Umm...Claude?", I asked, kicking off my purple  
**I KNEW IT!**

high-heeled boots  
**Danisha, is it too much that we ask you to dress for the period for once?**

after I flopped down on the bed, "I'm a little tired right now, you know. All that activity really wore me out."  
**But nothing ever wears you out so much you can't have sex anyway.**

Claude sat down next to me, kissed me, and said tenderly, "Get some rest, dear Nisha. I have to attend to some minor business, then I'll be up shortly."  
**And he uses that as an excuse not to see her.**

He kissed me again. "I want to thank you again for everything."  
**"For wrapping me around your fingers as well as turning me and everybody else horribly OOC…"**

Claude then laughed, saying, "Using my brother, and Quasimodo! I wouldn't doubt that all of Paris is buzzing about..."  
**About what? Finish your sentence, dude.**

Claude's amusement was so great that he couldn't stop laughing. I just threw my arms around him and told him that I was "pleased that you're pleased."  
"Really, baby. I did it all for you, and I'd do it all over again." Claude kissed me again, then left the room.

All alone in his bedchanber,  
**Ah, flawless spelling.**

I slipped off my jacket, then reclined on the bed. _Yes..this has been a wonderful day...but I'm a little winded...A short nap should do the trick..._  
**Well then…**  
  
**And Danisha's slain. The end.**

 _Then, when Claude returns...Well...Let the ~~good times~~_ **Mary Sue heads** _roll!_

++++++

It must have been close to dusk, for the cathedral bells woke me.  
**Wait, aren't the bells rung _every hour_?**

_Good ol' Quasi...right on time...did I sleep that long? Where's Claude?_

I immediately got up, stripped off my clothes, then quickly washed up. _Medieval idea of hygiene...I'm a child of the 20th Century!_  
**And now you're aware of it? Then you shouldn't have fucking traveled to medieval times in the first place!**

 _Oh well...make do...I'm clean..._  
**No, you're not.**

_Now, spritz on a little fragrance..._

I then slipped into a daringly short nightgown. And it was a sexy little thing! It was of smooth, leopard-printed satin, thigh-high short, with a low neckline, and thin, spaghetti straps that had a tendency to slip from my shoulders.  
**An age-old question: how the fuck is she still not considered a prostitute again?**

I checked out my reflection in the mirror, and admired how the gown clinged to my every curve, how it flared at the bottom, just skimming my thighs. And I liked my legs --- full and shapely, and still glistening from the lotion I had just applied.

 _Check yourself out! All curvy and plump...not fat..._  
**Oh, how I can write an essay about how that statement is _definitely_ fat-shaming despite the writer's intentions.**

 _but I did put on a few...er..."egg nog inches"_  
**If you've gained weight, just say so! There's nothing wrong with gaining weight!**

 _over the holidays. But look at the skin...nice and smooth...like dark, hot caramel sauce._  
**Which she is then drowned in a huge boiling vat of. The end.**

 _Glad I take care of my skin...can't have Claude put his hands on dry, ashy skin...His skin's pretty, too...that smooth,_  
**How is "smooth" and "horribly wrinkly and saggy as expected of an old man" the same?**

 _pale...on him it's beautiful..._  
**On anybody else it's not…**

 _Hmm...His cool, pale vanilla against my hot caramel...My, my, my...Now that's tasty!_  
**_(barfs)_ I don't think I'll be able to eat flan for many days to come.**

I walked over to my special boombox that needs no electricity.  
**But I suppose it runs on battery, right? Then what are you gonna do when the battery runs out?**

Jacki gave Claude and me that fantastic machine last summer, as a special anniversary gift. I rifled through my personal CD collection and selected an assortment of Prince songs.  
**He's currently rolling in his grave.**

 _A little of that Minneapolis funk...Let's see...Purple Rain...Dirty Mind...Controversy...Hey! What's this? Morris Day and the Time! Vanity6! Apollonia!_  
**I don't fucking care.**

_I forgot I brought these...OK...load 'em up...hit 'play'...Let's jam..._

Within seconds, I was moving my body to the funky, pounding rhythms of Prince and the Revolution:

 _I get Delirious_  
Whenever you're near...  
**Yukiko gets Furious  
Whenever you're here…**

My body moved and grooved to the rocking, jungle-like beat. I loved the way my breasts bobbed  
**It hurts like hell! I got boobs too and it ain't cool when they bounces every time I run or otherwise do any heavy activities. That's why sports bra exist!**

as I continued to shimmy to the sounds. I had let my hair down, feeling my dark "fried and laid to the side"*  
**Why is that in quotes, and what is that asterisk doing there?**

locks brush against my shoulders. I even sang along with each song, from _Let's Go Crazy_ to _Take Me With U_.

 _I don't care where we go_  
_I don't care what we do_    
_I don't care pretty baby_  
_Just Take Me With U_

Now, I was unaware that I had an audience, for I heard distinctive laughter from behind.  
**A stalker?**

"And you said you were tired."

I swirled around only to see Claude, who just stood there, leaning against the bedpost, his arms folded. He was smiling broadly, and eyeing me up and down. And I do believe he was swaying his body to the music. Claude looked so different without his hat and epaulets; he seemed relaxed in his plush, black velvet robe.  
**Well at least it's not purple.**

I was still dancing to something...I think it was _Little Red Corvette_. I didn't even think of my attire, or lack, thereof, nor of my sensual body movements.  
**You did. Admit it.**

I bopped over to Claude, kissed his lips,and said as I slapped my rounded bottom, "Sugarbritches, I'm just trying to work off some of these extra inches I put on.  
**YOU DON'T NEED TO. Quit fat-shaming, it's driving me nuts.**

You know, all that egg nog, cookies, chocolate cake..."

Claude wriggled up to me, took me into his arms, and told me, "Nisha, dearest. I love your body --- Such voluptuousness! Yet so shapely, and oh-so firm."  
**She is _fat_! You know why you're fat-shaming, Crazed Writer? Because you treat "fat" like a bad word! All the hatred of every fat person in the world is on you, Danisha and CW!**

I felt his hands caress my waist, then my hips. Claude smiled with sensual delight. "As for the 'extra inches'..."   
He stopped momentarily to lick my shoulder; a strap had slid off, temptingly. Then Claude worked his tongue up my neck as he finished, "...They seem to have settled in ALL the right places."  
**Because its settling anywhere else is unacceptable, even though it makes _every ounce of sense_!**

He growled and snarled like a tiger in heat  
**Link's Queen?**

as he rammed his tongue through my open lips. I could feel Claude's hot, hungry tongue probe the inside of my mouth; I couldn't help but respond.   
His hands were EVERYWHERE! _Now I wished I had resisted wearing this short nightie_  
**NIGHTGOWN! Dunno but her using that word makes me want to scream.**

 _....He's really getting turned on...Damn! His hands...His teeth...His tongue...All Over!_  
**Why is that capitalized?**

I felt the familiar tickle of desire building inside me; my body shivered, then squirmed pleasurably from his every touch. But something in the back of my mind said that tonight was not going to be just another night of passion.  
**Failed attempt at sounding poetic.**

_Oh no! Claude and I are gonna have us a good time...Now, change the music..._

"Umm...Claude...umm", I said, extracting my tongue from his mouth. He panted and moaned, demanding why I stopped. "And it felt so...so deliciously good..." ,  
**Lose the comma.**

Claude breathlessly said.  
"Nothing, sugarbritches. Just wanna change the music. Prince may be hot and sexy, but..." I walked over to the boombox, hoping to stall for time. I had a little surprise cooked up for Claude, and I was anxious to give him something I knew he would never forget. When I turned around, Claude was gone!  
**From the face of the Earth. The end.**

 _Where'd he go? I hope I didn't upset him, tearing away from him like that..._  
**Because not being literally glued to your lover's body is a sure-fire way to upset him.**

I then heard a booming voice come from the other end of the room. "Cast your lovely brown eyes on this!"  
**"As I gouge them out of their sockets!"**

I wheeled around and my eyes just about popped out of my head. "Claude Frollo! What do you have on?!"  
**Brace yourselves! Cringiness is coming!**

It wasn't much. Claude Frollo stood before my eyes clad only in his hose.  
**_(barfs)_**

And these weren't any ordinary hose. Claude was wearing skintight, shiny, black spandex hose.  
**Where the hell did he get that in the 15th century? Oh wait, time traveling… never mind.**

The fabric shimmered in all the right places; the hose fit in all the right places.  
**All the right places…  
Is Danisha a broken record now?**

Every sensuous contour, every bulge -- well, only one REAL bulge -- was expertly revealed. One thing about spandex -- it doesn't lie.  
**In this case, it does.**

 _Come on, Nisha...put your eyes back in your head...You've seen him in less...What's so different, now?...Just spandex hose...Where did he find SPANDEX?! Oh...that's right...I bought those at Cilla's...I bought several...had to special order... But...Damn! He looks good!_  
**No he doesn't!**

"I'm sorry to have deserted you like that, Danisha. But I simply had to slip into something...more comfortable."  
**Because leaving your lover for a while to _change clothes_ counts as "deserting."**

Claude slinked and slithered his way towards me, his body sensuously moving to the beat of the music. He swept me in his arms, and began rocking and swaying with me.  
"Claude?", I asked. "Uh..baby? You're not planning any surprises, are you?" Claude laughed, then kissed me deeply, while I allowed my hands to caress his long, slender body.

 _Mmm...feels so good to stroke his body like this...and he's not really skinny_  
**Oh I beg to differ! Look at the official arts! Watch the movie again!**

 _...but nice and slim...graceful...sensuous....hard-muscled. Nice round butt...long legs...everything about him is long...Oooh! Including...THAT!_  
**Stop with the gratuitous ellipses already!**

Now, I didn't mean for my hand to slip under that waistband. I didn't mean for my fingers to start undoing laces  
**Do spandex pants need laces? Also, where's the full-stop where you need it?**

"Nisha!", Claude playfully scolded. My hands immediately left that forbidden zone.

Claude then cooed in my ear, allowing his tongue to graze the lobe, "Not so fast, my love. Wait between caresses. Otherwise the thrill of the old sensations will dull us to the new."  
**What the fuck does that even mean?**

He then chuckled softly as his hands gently squeezed my buttocks, his pelvis slowly grinding against mine.   
"I want to enjoy every minute, every inch of you. Just as I want you to enjoy every minute, every inch of me."  
**Danisha, not only did you force your music, food and literature on him, you even forced your units of measure too?**

Claude softly laughed as he continued to grind his pelvis against mine, his tongue snaking its way between my lips.  
**And around her neck, strangling her to death.**

"Every inch...every last, glorious inch", I heard him murmur, while he kept thrusting himself against me. I felt the sudden hardness, sensed his blood racing to private, exotic locales.  
**NOT THE WEIRD EUPHEMISMS AGAIN.**

Once again, my hands reached for the laces, but I resisted, for I wanted to preface this sultry session with something that would blow Claude Frollo's mind.  
**Like a bomb?**

"Sugarbritches",  
**Ditch the comma.**

I cooed, leading him to the bed, "why don't you lie back, relax, and let Danisha take care of you thisaway."  
**I said, stop making new words.**

I then walked over to the CD player, popped in a disc, and began to sing along with Morris Day and The Time. My body rocked to the wild, primitive, funky beat. Claude's eyes never wavered from my body. I could tell he was getting aroused, just from the expression on his face, and, the ever-growing bulge that threatened to burst through his hose.  
**And burst into thousands of pieces. The end.**

"Nisha...darling...You are too sensual for words." Claude's eyes followed my every movement, his ears taking in every lyric of the song.  
And they were special lyrics, written by me, especially for this session.  
**Lucky enough, we don't get to see it.**

I shimmied up to Claude, who now leaned back on the bed, his eyes taking in every detail, his body slightly rocking to the rhythms.  
**MAKE IT STOP.**

"Honey, I want you lie still, relax. I'm gonna do something that will blow  
**Him to bits.**

 your mind. . Get yourself ready, 'cause here I go."

*"Fried and laid to the side" -- an old '70s expression for Black hair that's been pressed or relaxed, as opposed to the Afro, or 'natural'  
**Oh, so that's what the asterisk was.**

BEFORE MOVING ON:  
**I don't care.**


	2. Or eaten by a leopard.

Scene 2

_...think I wanna show ya...My Jungle Love..._

I jiggled my breasts, swiveled my hips, and slithered my body all over Claude's  
**I know she's an evil snake monster who bewitched everyone into OOC-ness!**

... _Oh yeah!_...I gave him a lapdance he would never forget!Claude  
**Forgetful Claude is the best Claude.**

moaned and screamed his pleasure as he finally matched my movements. I continued to grind my pelvis against his hardening masculinity.  
**WEIRD EUPHEMISM.**

"Oh, Nisha! Don't stop...Ahhh! Give it to me, darling! ...Oooh! Do it to me! Hellfire!  
**God have mercy on me…**

...Arrrgh!...Damnation!"  
**THIS! IS! BLASPHEMY!**

Claude pulled my body alongside his, then caressed me in those special places he damn-well knew always set my body on fire.  
**And then Danisha is burned to death. The end.**

"Ooh, Claude...", I purred as he continued to excite me with his teeth and tongue. I closed my eyes; the sensuous sounds of the music, and the crackling of the fire,  
**That burned both of them and that unnecessary comma to ashes. The end.**

were the perfect accompaniments to a passionate rendevous. I tried to reciprocate; my hand actually stroked his swollen manhood,  
**WEIRD EUPHEMISM.**

but what he was doing to me felt so good...

Suddenly, without warning, Claude released me, sat up, then said to me in his most sensual voice, "Now, my sweet Nisha, I have a surprise for you."  
**NO NO NO NO.**

I had no idea what to expect; then again, Claude Frollo always has this knack for 'surprising' me  
**Why is that in quotes?**

\-- like that first time.*   
**Don't. Remind. Me. Of. It!**

But nothing, and I mean nothing, compared to _this_ performance!

Clad in only those skintight, black spandex hose,  
**_(tries with valiant effort not to throw up)_**

Claude began doing his own...er...Purple Rain bit.  
**The fuck? Is that supposed to make sense?**

 _Odd...he said he never really cared for this...He said the lyrics were a bit too...blue? But here he is...in all his glory...Mmmm...He moves so deliciously...like a snake...better than me...Ooh...sing it, Claude...Sing "Cream"...make it your song....OUR song..._  
**Say it with me, class: ELLIPSES ARE NOT FULL-STOPS!**

Claude crooned the sensual lyrics, while he, slowly and sensually, twisted and writhed his body. He even gave ME a lapdance!  
**_(actually throws up)_**

"Oh Honey...Oooh, sugarbritches..."

"Do you like that, Nisha? You do...I can tell...Mmm...Such large, firm breasts...and your thighs...Mon Dieu!"  
**Mein Gott…**

I tried to keep from laughing, not that I found Claude's erotic performance amusing, but this was totally unlike him!  
**This is probably the only moment when Danisha actually realizes how OOC Frollo is being. Treasure it, for it won't last long.**

Here is a man, so powerful, such a control-freak, so austere and serious in public...  
**As is _at all times_ in canon.**

 _And not one knows -- except the people reading this_  
**Failed attempt at breaking the fourth wall.**

 _\-- that, once in a while, you totally 'turn it loose'..._  
**When have we ever seen canon Frollo "turn it loose?" Here is a man who goes batshit insane when he finds out he has sexual desires!**

 _Let's keep it that way!_  
**How about no.**

 _Cream, get on top_  
_Cream, and u will cop_  
_Cream, don't u ever stop_  
_Cream, sh-Boogie bop_  
**I sincerely apologize to the lyricist, but damn, this has gotta be the lamest lyrics ever.**

Claude continued to croon those sexy lyrics, then performed the hottest striptease this side of Chippendale's. I'm getting too flustered, just recalling the memory -- Excuse me, but I need some ice-water! ;-)  
**CW, I said stop breaking the fourth wall already. You have not the skill for it.**

***** OK -- I'm back! *****  
**Danisha should be crowned the Queen of Narmia.**

With a rapid grinding of the pelvis, he slipped out of his hose.

Hellfire!!  
**Don't let this siren cast her spell!**

 _He didn't even give me the pleasure of undoing the laces._  
**See, he ain't care about you. He's an asshole anyway.**

 _Ah, well...No Matter._  
**That does not warrant capitalization. Also, that's probably the lamest catchphrase in history.**

"Oooh, Claude, baby...If you ain't the sexiest, most **un** desirable **, abhorrent, hypocritical, cruel, genocidal and all around evil** man in the world!" I leaned back on the bed, and parted my thighs. "Do me **a favor and return to your canon self already** , honey."

Claude then sprawled on top of me, and fitted my body with his. I felt his hot breath on my face, heard the fiery, passionate words pour from his mouth, as he raised my nightgown.

Within seconds, I felt his massive, rock-hard masculinity enter my woman's depths.  
**SPARE. ME. THE. WEIRD. EUPHEMISMS.**

And I took ALL of him, every last engorged inch. I shocked myself how tightly I clamped around him, how quickly I seemed to swallow him, entrap him.  
**YUCK.**

 _There's no escape, baby...This is_  
**SPARTAAAAAA! _(kicks both of them into a well)_**

 _Jungle Love..._  
**Whut.**

 _And you have just stumbled into the quicksand of my passion_  
**Ew, ew, ew.**

 _...struggle all you want, sugarbritches...You know what they say..."The more you wiggle, the more you sink"_  
**Pass the brain bleach. And the liquor.**

_...Wiggle on, Claude....I really LOVE to feel you move..._

"That's the way, baby", I said out loud, my body arching and jerking with every thrust of his body into mine. Claude, being such a skillful lover,  
**Who is supposed to be _celibate_ and freaks out when he starts developing lustful thoughts.**

changed positions without missing a beat.  
**Which should have been extremely difficult for an old man.**

Desire rose and stirred within me; I felt sated, then was turned-on all over again, just like that.  
**How many orgasms has she had already?**

And Claude spurred me onwards with his words --- Claude knew ALL the words!  
**Danisha made a list… no, an entire _book_ of it and made Frollo memorize every word…**

"My Nisha...My darling...Ahh!...Move with me, my love...That's right...This feels so...Oooh!....Damn...you are so...tight...Do you have to grip me...so tightly...  
**The book also includes an instruction to pepper your speech with as much ellipses as possible, even though how you can actually _pronounce_ ellipses is still a great mystery.**

No matter  
**Find a better catchphrase already, dumbass.**

...It's the ONLY way..."  
**To Hell. Lust is a _sin_! Remember?**

Now, I'm no starry-eyed teen-ager,  
**I beg your pardon?**

nor some hick-from-the-sticks that doesn't know which way is up. But I do know when my Claude is ready...I mean...REALLY ready  
**Laaaame.**

...But THIS...was different!

Claude suddenly rolled onto his back, pulling me with him.  
**Again, _he's an old man_. Stop putting so much strain on his body.**

He made me ride him, and it was a wild, passionate ride on his bucking, writhing body.   
_Yippee! Like riding a wild, bucking stallion..._  
**Stop. Stop right there. Making references to animals (well, maybe except butterflies) is one of the most disgusting ways to handle a sex scene!**

 _and trying to stay on...Forget it, sugarbritches...I stayin'_  
**Okay, I understand dialects, but wrong grammar is wrong grammar. Where's the "to be" verb?**

_in the saddle..._

Now I've heard all kinds of tales of how different men react once they reach orgasm. Some cry out; some tense-up;  
**Nice abuse of the semi-colon and hyphen there.**

others just whimper and moan, but not Claude.  
**He's a speshul snowflake! He actually explodes in a blast of sunshine and rainbows!**

His movements became more rapid; his breathing more intense. I felt his hands tighten around my sore hips, his fingertips digging into my flesh. I arched my back, and gripped him tightly between my thighs.

"Claude! Give it to me! Make me go **straight to hell**!"

"Grip me tighter...Oooh! Tighter! That's it...Nisha...I'm...Ahhh!...You are so good...I can't stop...Uhh...Oooh...coming!"  
**Keep your face straight while imagining someone say, "Uh oh, coming!" before orgasm. You laugh, you lose.**

I felt Claude swell and throb inside me; the thrusts came even faster. He moaned, screamed, and bellowed  
**"Bellowed."**

his enjoyment. Now I couldn't hold back. I cried out his name, kissed him with ferocious hunger, and let my body go wild on him.   
We squirmed and screamed, expressing our enjoyment with such abandon. My raced back to that night  
**Your what?**

, our first time,  
**Stop. Reminiscing!**

but nothing compared to this!

My mind was brought back to reality, as Claude exploded inside me. He cried and moaned with every spurt of his precious seed.  
**EWWWWW.**

I throbed  
**THROBBED.**

all over, and nearly cried when Claude finally withdrew from me. _It was good...no...better..._  
**Don't worry Ellipsis, I'll save you! _(kills both of them)_**

 _than the last time. And the next time will be even better..._  
**That means more fics to spork. Yippee.**

We said nothing as we lied across the bed, our arms enfolding each other. I could still feel my skin quiver with pleasure; my lower regions throbbed with ecstasy, there was that familiar soreness between my thighs.  
**Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.**

 _I don't mind that...that only means I've just been well-laid...by the most skillful lover I've ever known..._  
**Again, who's supposed to be _celibate_ , and considers lust a sin.**

Icould've  
**SPACING.**

sworn I felt Claude Frollo's body still twitch and jerk almost enticingly. _Come on, Claude! Not again! Let me_  
**No, it should be _your_ letting _him_ have a break, because men have refractory periods!**

 _...let US catch some breath..._  
**As well as France and the entire world!**

Snuggling closer to me, he breathlessly said, "My darling Nisha. You are so incredible...so fantasically  
**FANTASTICALLY.**

sensual." He kissed me deeply, gratifyingly. Claude then softly laughed and said, "Why is it whenever we make love, it is always something -- WILD! No matter...I love it hot and wild!" I  
**What's that stray "I" doing there?**

I returned the laughter, and said nothing. All I could do was lie in Claude's arms, and let him cuddle and kiss me all through the night. A few minutes later, I had to open my mouth, and suggest another, creative lovemaking session.  
**A few minutes? A _few_ minutes? The refractory period lengthens as men get older, and considering Frollo's being an elderly man, it shouldn't be a _few_ minutes! _It should very well take half a day_!**

"Claude, sugar?"

"Yes, sweet Nisha."  
**Stop with the "sweet this, sweet that" already. It's making me sick.**

"I hope you liked...mm...'Jungle Love'."

"I enjoyed every minute."  
**He shouldn't though.**

"So did I...Every minute, every last inch..."

Claude's deep, hearty laughter filled the bedchamber. He kissed me some more, then told me ,"Enough fun-and-games.  
**Hyphen, I'll save you too! _(kills both of them)_**

You...we...need our beauty sleep." Claude nuzzled my neck, then we snuggled under the blankets. He nearly drifted off to sleep,  
**And died as he slept. The end.**

when I got a flash of brilliant creativity.

"Claude?"  
"Umm?", came the drowsy response.  
"Sugarbritches",  
**She is basically calling him "sugarpants." Gross.**

I whispered as I leaned closer to him, and traced his fine features with my finger. "Have you ever played...mm...'Love In An Elevator'?"  
**Stop. Fucking. Up. The. Time. Stream.**

Claude's eyes popped  
**Out of their sockets.**

open. He looked at me and said, half-amusedly,  
**CW, is it that hard to look up words in a dictionary? In Japanese, the correct way to say "look up something in a dictionary" literally translates to "pull a dictionary" (as in pulling it out from a shelf). I'm saying this because I think CW probably too lazy to even pull a dictionary out from a shelf, let alone open it and look up words from it.**

"'Love In A...WHAT?'"  
**Here's a suggestion, Danisha: Go read Doraemon, it handles time-traveling way better than you do.**

He then laughed out loud,  
**There's nothing funny about that. You gotta _love_ how these people keep laughing at stuff that _isn't_ funny, including a person's _bleeding to death_.**

and pulled me closer to kiss him.

Claude Frollo, still laughing, then said to me, "You, my dear Danisha, are totally incorrigable,  
**INCORRIGIBLE. Pull a fucking dictionary from a shelf for once, it's not that heavy.**

not to mention absolutely insatiable!"  
**You know what, I actually agree with Edualc Ollorf here. Danisha _is_ an insatiable monster.**

He then smiled, tenderly kissed my lips, and sweetly said before drifting off to sleep, "And I would not change one thing about you."  
**Lolz, Camp Rock 2 anyone?**

*See Back to the Frollo -- the INFAMOUS Chap.14 ;-)  
**Oh yes, you should totally read the whole story _sporked_. [This sporking](http://das-sporking.livejournal.com/212049.html) by midoriri on Das Sporking is the best in my opinion, but [this one](http://z4.invisionfree.com/Refia/index.php?showtopic=923) here is awesome too.**

THE END  
**Remember the[creepy "Have a nice nap in hell" dude](http://gintama.wikia.com/wiki/Takasugi_Shinsuke) we met in the last chapter? I think I might actually have to invite him over for a sporking session if this cringiness and Draco in Leather Pants bullshit grow out of proportion.**

**Author's Note:**

> All this italics are making me crazy from having to format them correctly… uggghhh.


End file.
